Its been so long and its been A Year!

I've been out of touch with the blogging world, but I was not away from the net! Sometimes the weeks has been pretty routine so its going to be bored reading the same thing every week.

I'm so blessed with my 'motherhood' and dating life. I think I'm so out date with the two things that my friends has already gone through. Weekend has always filled up with usual Bowling at ECP or Kallang Leisure Park or sometimes it will be FunLand at Parkway Parade. Then later it will dinner at Simpang Bedok or Parkway Parade Banquet. Weekdays will be dating time.. Ok I will not say too much cause my 'daughter' reading my blog! haahaha..

This days, I'm very occupied with pre wedding preparation for Nizam, Yazid's younger brother. 70% of the preparation is all done. Just waiting for the day which is 2 weekends away only! All this months, I've been liasing with Nizam via email and sms. We've never meet each other. Only last month, I met Nizam and Zuraidah for the 1st time at their place. And we are getting along just fine, Alhamdulliah..

I wasnt able to meet up with CK last few days, she send a msg via FB telling that she's leaving to KL for good. F got a job offer there or something so they're moving. All the best to you, Insya ALLAH we'll meet up again one day!

Life has been a lot of Ups' and Down.. however, its manageable. Sometimes I feel that I'm just being unreasonable and always make things difficult when its decision making. But I dont deny I'm selfish, cause I'm not willing to share.. But when its family time, kids are The Priority and I'm a 2nd class Citizen. When the children is concern, I'm ok with being the 2nd.. I'm cool! But its ok, you argue and fight once a while.. If everything is soooo smooth saling, something is not right some where.

Ah! The weather is not really fine this days, its soo HOT in the noon but once a while it rains heavily. I was at the clinic this morning, there were so many kids that falls sick. And I'm the only adult! Oh gosh, it so unbareable. I'm having this rashes all over my body. My at this point it still itchy! Ok as long as it didnt get to my face, its OK to me.. But it still matters! Yazid said, "ah nanti kalau ada sand paper I beli kan you eh.." haahah.. bloody chendol!

He's be on night shift today, till 10am. I just asked him if he recall what was going on just last year. He remembered.. Its been A Year now, and tmrw they be having Kenduri at his place.

To Mama, The children misses you all the time. They often mention you. I know I will never be able to replace you and I will never be able to do just like what you did. But I hope I will do my best.. Insya ALLAH.

Jan 2008 : T3 Changi Airport

In Memory of Almarhum Salinah bte Ahmad : Al-Fatihah - 1969 to 6th April 2008.

Family Bonding..

Its the Month of March now. The time is moving pretty fast I felt. I remembered chatting with Fadzil, my colleague, somewhere Ramadhan of 2008, that he planned to get married in 2010, "lama lagi lah" he said. Just last Tuesday, I asked him about his planned, he told me its March 2010.. means its just a year away from now. Age is catching up man!

I was out last Sunday, the almost usual place of Bowling at East Coast and dinner at Banquet Parkway Parade. And I've not seen the kids for so long.

The Ayah and Daughter just back from their Bonding session at Malacca just days before that. It seem Nadiah enjoy herself there, so does the Ayah. Its like a break that he really needed for the longest time.. The best part was... He didnt take pictures of Nadiah at ALL! He was enjoying taking picture of the places and scenery instead.. The only picture with Nadiah on it is this one.

Nadiah planned to meet her Mak Busu, Yazid's youngest sister, on Monday. He suggested that I should go along and meet Siti Nuraini since we've not meet at all. So I told myself that I should give it a Go. So Monday, after work at noon, I went to meet them at Tampines MRT. I've seem Siti on pictures so when I saw someone at the MRT Station, I was unsure if that her or not.. Nadiah arrived and we were formally introduced then. She is sooo young, still in her teens and can pass out as Yazid's daughter actually. She look younger in person anyway. We went lunch and shopping and thats when we got comfortable with one another. The 3 of us spend almost half the day together. We finally settle down at Simei Starbucks at the end of the day. I'm really glad to finally meet her..

I was out with Kak Suz and Riah yesterday after work to Joo Chait complex. I have in mind to buy some material. So we went straight to what we have planned for and they finally got my idea of what I want to purchase. They are good at bargain, I manage to get it at $10 per suit and I bought 4 pieces. Going to wear it for Nizam's wedding, insya ALLAH..

Weekend's coming. There's 3 wedding going on this Sunday and all are 2nd cousin. Last Sunday was Intan's anak Cik Faridah's wedding. Raudha and me attended the Dinner as well as the Sunday jemputan. Amazingly, I met my Primary 1 classmate Azlindah. She look the same but mature. She was shocked to believe that I still remember her clearly. Its so nice to see old friends back again. Her mom asked, "anak awak berapa?" Nak aje ku cakap 3.. Instead, I said, "belum kahwin lagi." Ah tipu lah belum kahwin lagi, eh makcik I wish I dont have to tipu.. I wish that I'm already married and my daughter is already 14years old Makcik.. If I were to come with Nadiah, she can say I tipu belum kahwin right? heheeeehe..

Its a Reminder..

The week started pretty hectic. There was a conference going on back in the office from Wednesday till Friday. I was pretty occuppied with 'food management'! Yes, I was given the task to take charge of the Tea Breaks and Lunch for the whole conference. Wed was the beginning of 'everything'. I arrived as early as 8.25am, making sure that the conference room has been open and the tables has been arrange nicely. Infact, I've arrange the table the day before fit for 22 people.

After getting the morning tea break ready back to my office tables with usual office task. I receive Raudz call telling me that Tok is not well. He has called all his children back home but he looks ok, but not ok! I got confused.. I'm in the middle of the conference arrangement, how am I to leave the job task and go back home? Ayah called about 30mins after that, telling me not to rush. Tok is Ok but he seems confused.. I heard him Mengucap at the back ground and my heart start pumping so fast. Eh, what is going on ni?? Its unlike Tok to call everyone back home.. and this doesnt sound good at all. Had to tell my AM that I Have to leave.. Home is important. Saf called me, asking if I'm in the office. She wanna go back Tok's place with me..

At 11am, after calling Yazid telling him what was going wrong. Actually he was the 1st person I called to inform. I believe he will understand me better in this kind of situation. He calm me down, asking if I am ok. I told him I am.. So met Saf at the MRT, took the train back home. Saf kept repeating, "macam mana ni Intan??? kenapa dgn Tok ni? I takut ah.."

Reached home, everyone was around. All was near Tok. Yes he seems confused, but he managed to baca all kinds of Doa in full. He zikir Ya ALLAH, he said Insya ALLAH many times. But when he starts talking, everything seems to be jumbled up. Safiah jadi Basirah.. and he kept asking, "sapa ni eh?" .. We said, Liza.. "ah sapa ni eh?" He got stressed up not being able to pronunce and remember Liza till he broke down and cry.. We were all so helpless. He kept counting the number of children he has. Trying very hard to remember all their name.."Mohd... Mohd..." the 2nd name he cant recall, when all his son's name starts with Mohd for Rahim, Rashid, Razali and Rafid..

Toward late noon, Bapak Rahim decided with the rest that should call the ambulance and send him to hospital instead. By then, he was slightly better.. That was after Bibik gave him medication for the heart. He starting to recall some people, that was already 6pm.

That evening, Ayah followed the ambulance and was send to A&E at TTSH. At almost 9pm, he was warded and many test was being done to him that night. The next day, we were told that he was having a minor stroke and there was a blockage on his neck. Probably the blood didnt flow up to the brain and that causes the temp memory lost. Yesterday, he gets better and this afternoon when I went to visit him, he was much much much better. Kak Liza tested him asking who am I, he said "Milda!" haahaha..

Alhamdulliah Tok is getting better, berkat Doa from so many people. Insya ALLAH he should be discharge in the next few days or so..

I'll be given another task to cater for department lunch early March. I'll have to enquire a few places.

Next week on Thurs, Nadiah and her Ayah will be on a School Mallaca Historical trip for 2D1N. Nadiah was surprise that her Ayah really mean it about following the Parent Support Group team. That was after I encourage Yazid to go and probably bond with the daughter.. Yazid said, "you gonna miss me tau?" Its ok lah, be apart for a little while, then we get to appreciate each other better. If not, we meet every other very very often..

February is very short. Next week is the end of the month already. Then comes March, and soon it will be April. And Nizam's wedding is in less than 2 months.. Soon the card will be out for distribution. That is what happen when its beginning of the year, it moves very fast.

Over Acting?

I didn’t realize that when I care so much, I get over board. Am I obsessed?

I end up getting worried and my mind just refuse to focus and start thinking “ok ke tak?” And now I end up making mistake at work. Who’s fault is it? Mine lah! Maybe that is the only way to show that I care. But I’m helpless when people just refuse to hear. So I end up crying…

Now I notice my another weakness… Care to much, bothered to obvious. Mak kata, kalau sayang sangat kat orang tu, jangan sampai jiwa raga aku serah kan.. Leave 10% to yourself then you learn appreaciate it more.

Learning No 2 – Try to relax, make it less affected. Maybe someone will notice… I'm trying to, but its harder than I expected!

All Over Again?

I thought all this while, after trying to win a bit of the trust, I have manage to at least pass 30% of the 'test'. Unfortunately, it started all over again... To actually think that I was actually being excluded just to prevent from being 'accused' was pretty sad. To actually picture the whole senario has already make me feel like crying. To actually felt that I was included by 'force' is making me feel less important. If things has been explained probably I might understand, a bit lah! Maybe, even if its hard to swallow.. Now I will have to start all over again..

I was out with 'my eldest daughter' Nadiah on Monday, its been some time since we last spend time together. We end up going to the same place over and over again. But as long as we get a decent meal together and buy stuff that she likes its alright with me.

Its already February.. The month is moving pretty fast actually. I've got to count months, hope I dont have to count years.

I'm watching Cucuku Sayang now on TV. haahaha.. I think its really true, real life story. The wife asking the father and husband to do house work because she decided not to hire a maid. She asking the husband and father to divide the house chores so that she can rest after a days work in the office.. hahaha. Dunia dah terbalik kot!

We had a birthday surprise for Kak Suzana in the office. We had it on Tuesday.. had it planned since last week. Azlin was given the honor to asked kak Suz out for lunch, konon nya at Golden Shoe. But we actually had it at the 17th floor conference room. Jacq pretended to leave for lunch 1st. Then I said goodbye to leave for the day.. Our acting was not bad at all hahaha.. She was pretty surprise that we had it all planned out. Ordered Pizza Hut (and the delivery guy was Yazid and my ex colleague in CIAS - Norashikin) and I went to buy a Chocolate Truffle from Royal Cakes..

It was Zafeera, Suzana Yunan and 'Abah's' birthday all on the same day 02.02. Bought something for Abah when I was out with Nadiah the other day.. Hope he likes it.

Ok I hope weekend will start from Friday!

Still Holiday Mood..

The week has been great, too much 'lemak' with the holidays.. Last week super long weekend, and this week there's another long weekend for us in HAS. Its HAS Anniversary on 1st Feb in which Monday is a Holiday for us.. Thought we could get a 'get away' on the 2nd half of the day unfortunately.. its too late to slot in the application.. May have breakfast with Riah at Geylang or something on Monday. Feel like shopping..

Its almost February.. time is really moving fast. Went visiting Kak Liza in Raffles Hospital last night, had dinner at Banquet Raffles. She had a minor operation, she's getting better. Anyway, I was surprise to see an old student from Tumble Tots all grown up in Sec 2 now. Helmi was so cute back then in 1985-1986, he was only I think 6mths to a year back then. His father Zul is so familiar when I saw them, not knowing he's actually Yazid reservist friend! Small world. His wife asked how many kids I've got. Wanted to say 3 haaah.. Told her I'm still not married, she was surprise.. I can see that.

Met Nani this morning, her grandpa's staying just next my block. And he just passes on last night. So I thought, I should go 'melawat' alone. Cause I know Yazid's working on afternoon shift today. He seldom allow me to go places alone! I get to intro Mak and Tok to Mak Ngah and all. I remembered Nani's grandpa's family. They were our old neighbours from Blk 9. Not a stranger to us. Nani's aunt asked who's that sitting on the corner, she said, "tu my cousin punya future wife." Terbeliak mata hearing her said that.. I know Ina, her aunt, I told her I'm Pak Haji Jantan Iman's granddaughter.. she remembered..

Actually, I was pretty much looking forward for early Feb. Unfortunately, I was much much dissappointed with the turn out. Despite so much arrangement and getting feedback on how its gonna be and where, I am truly sad that it didnt happen at all. The chalet booked has been paid for by Yudi, compliments from him actually. He ws so besar hati to have sponsored the Chalet unit. And I've made the catering order from Suhaimi/Yuni from Changi Village. From the start, Yazid didnt actually encourge me to get involve in this gathering. He suggest that I just take the back seat and come as guest instead. But I told him that I'm only assisting in sending out gathering information, thats all. I may not be able to assist or getting myself involve very much in the future cause soon I'll be busy with 'the family'.. Maybe you guys got to wait for my wedding for another reunion gathering. Maybe year end or next year..

Perhaps I'm going out with 'my daughter' Nadiah on Monday afternoon then.. After she finishes school maybe.

Its weekend again.. I just LOVE weekend..

Its all about Impromptu..

Initially, I was inform that the picnic with Yazid's cousins are cancelled. In which, was told to get ready early as Andak is coming to fetch us to CCK1 by 10am. I've already ordered kueh for the picnic, its all about rezeki as well. Brought some to CCK1. Was there for a few hours, right after zohor, we all came back home.. I was disspointed that the outing didnt happen, most important is the earlier plan I had with Nadiah for a picnic didnt make it at all.

I receive Nani's call at almost 3pm, asking if I'm coming! I was totally puzzled, was is going on now and what was the conversation the cousins had the day before. Actually I was heated up. Extremely heated up! Yazid told me to get change and will fetch me in 10mins.

Ok at least I was delighted to see the kids, didnt see them since school re-open. But I didnt stop 'talking' in the car and he practically see my moody 'tapai basi' face all shown.. The minute I reached the cousins site at East Coast Beach, everything just change. It was my first time meeting the other cousin, except for Mak Ngah, Suria and Nani the rest are new to me. Surprisingly, I met an Fellow Sec Sch mate, who's Fidz clasmate who's married to Yazid's cousin, Imran. The world is so small.. Rashidah Jalil, is married to Imran, anak Mak Ngah. I met Mak Lang and Memel, Yazid's another close cousin, Miss Nis's sister.

I was totally myself yesterday, I do not have anything to concile. Too bad we didnt have bring camera along, I glad to held baby Qadri again.. Lucky things, Naqiyah's tuition cancelled yesterday or else, imagine having so much fun you'll have to leave home for the sake of tuition... I am so going to make excuses for not attending it. Believe me, been there done that!

We ended the day with dinner at Marine Parade Hawker Centre. I really enjoy the day indeed. Reached home almost 10pm, dont feel like ending the evening. I hope they are comfortable with me..

Today I had time for myself, I get to sit down and think what is going on with myself. There is something not right with me. It all happen just weeks ago, I got pretty angry over something. Actually I didnt had that attitude for the longest time. Its my Temper. I remember having it back in SH days. But its years since I really that hot tempered.

Well that few weeks incident was the start of everything. But I realise that this days, I've not been able to control things. Yesterday, I just vent it out again, over something that didnt affect me directly. But today was the peak, I either got mad or cried. Its either the hormons or the attitude.. Yes, I realise it. Is not that I didnt. Thanks to some people who pointed me out.

I will have to learn to control things. Because I know there is more challenges than just that. There will be more test that I'll have to go thru. I know I can do it..

I'm very sorry that I'm just being unreasonable, Bie. I think sorry is just not enough..

The Long Weekend..

Let me see, what have I been doing for the past weeks? Nothing much actually.. Apart from working till 12noon now, except on Wednesday, I work full day. The rest is pretty much the same.

I've not been meeting the kids this days since school re-open. Perhaps, this holidays. I just receive a call from Nani, Yazid's cousin, asking if we wanna join them for Picnic on Monday morning. I was actually planning the same with Nadia a few days back. So how I'll have to decide what shall I bring. I leave it to Yazid, he's the boss. Anyway, I will just follow.

I've been occuppied with planning for the batch reunion. With the help of R.Mahmud, her opinion is very much appreciated. Furthermore I've receive good feedback on the reunion and I hope its gonna happen. Our fellow classmate Yudi, has agreed to sponsor us with the chalet unit. Thanks to him for the help.

Tmrw, there will be a Mega Forum organized by Masjid Hj Mohd Salleh, Geylang at Tampines Stadium. They are selling Coupons for the event at the same time collection for upgrading of the Masjid. Its free, please feel free to drop by. I'll be there too..

The sun outside seems brighter then any other day.. Maybe because Holiday starts today! Enjoy the week.. next week, you work only 3days before the next weekend comes.. Fuyooo.. Shiok!

I'm Engaged!

How do I explain this eh.. I had too many people asking, feeling kecik hati because they were not inform and not being told!

Yes, I'm engaged. I'm in a Relationship with Yazid Osman, we were serious about our relationship. And we finally decided, this is the one and we do not wish to be seperated anymore.

And then he Asked the 'that' question somewhere late November 2008, and I said YES! Only after the 3rd time he asked me, we finally stop by a Jewellery shop and he bought me a Ring!

So THERE was No Majlis Tunang Lanang or Engagement Ceremony. I told some friend that, we Tunang Mat Salleh Style.. So thats why there was no jemputan. It was just between us and the family. Thats all. I do not wish to go through anyother majlis Tunang Lanang. Tunggu aje when the Big Day comes, Insya ALLAH. Amin..

I hope this clarifies, I didn't jemput cause there was no majlis.

There are things that you want to do thats challenging, but situation don't allow you to do that.. So you will be just stay on with what you have and stay save keeping what you have...

I know very well that ALLAH know what is best for you, HE give you some, but instead take away some. At least things are balance and its all up to you to decide and remember/think of him when you're in need.. There is always unhappines everywhere. When you're not happy, talk things out. Not everyone is the same, there are up's and down's in life. Person A might have to deal with things at home and family, Person B may not be physically fit and health. So everyone has problems and things cannot be change overnight. We have to look at ourselves in the mirror. We have to think, "what if.. things like this happen to me instead of them.." You might never know. So dont point figure at people, cause the other 4 fingers are pointing at you.

The week has been OK for me.. but bothered with stuff surrounding that is going on. I should not be affected by it, but things that happen involved people close and dear to me. So I cant help but be bothered about it. Yazid said "you ni kancong ah.." Ya, thats me, people who know me very very well knows that I'm such a kancong. But that me.. I'm concern that why I reacted like that.. But just dont make me mad, you'll never want to see how madness gets into me. And Yazid have seen that before. So who ever just accuse me of things, trigger my button and spoilt my mood, betrayed my trust.. Thats it! You're gonna see the White Tiger go crazy!! But I dont eat people lah kan, but you're gonna see the Tiger Roar! hahaha.. Seriously!

Most of the time, if I'm bothered with things, you will see it clearly from my reaction, my movements. When I kept silent means something wrong is going on. Thats the time when I absorb on things and start thinking. Sometimes, I love to be alone for a while, go around places, take a long walk and thats when you think straight! I will not let it out there and then, because it might turn out to be something nasty. So I rather stay alone for a while and when things just sink into my brain, I will think straight.

But NOT all things can be better solve when you're alone. There are some people who speaks to other people whom they call friends when you're alone and lonely. But you might never know if you really speaking to the right person, they might manipulate your mind. Thats a wrong move all together. Not everyone has good intention, so you have to be very careful with that. You might fall into their trap! There are a lot of cases where relationship is concern, you talk to the wrong person and it end up in a big mess! We do not want that to happen. You have to get back on track and stay focus with things and at the end of the day, you SHOULD come back to your original partner.. You have to know where you stand.. Setan and Influence are everywhere, so dont fall into the trap! So yet again, you have to play save. dont make that mistake! Better not to late to come back on track.

I'm glad that we talking about it, about things. I will not keep it for long and let me head be occuppied with negativity. I've learn not to keep it but instead let it out and get it solve soonest...

Ok, Enough said, everyone is not perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. Its a matter on how you gonna deal with it and things.. Its all up to you. Hope for the best, Doa to HIM cause only HE knows whats best for you, Insya ALLAH..

Thank You, It didn't happen...

On this date, 03.01.2003! This day was suppose to be important to me. Had it all planned out until suddenly two month before this day, it was OFF. I was devastated, can't face everyone. Its been 6 years. However I'm GLAD it didn't happen.

Thank You W, For not letting The Day Happened. Or I've not have met this Man Again.

Wonderful 2008, Hello to 2009..

Some of the best moments in life... Lying in bed listening to the rain outside, thinking about the person you love, taking a long drive on a calm road, found money in your old jeans just when you need it, Meeting an old flame after many years, getting a hug from someone you love, the moment your eyes are filled with tears after a big laugh..

Wishing you all these beautiful moments for you, Now & Always. Blesses New Year 2009. From Reza Dz - KL.

I suddenly feel very emotional about leaving 2008. All those are what I've been through. Its been a wonderful one for me, the up's and down, the challenges and test that went through. The tears and the laughter.. Its been great.

Hidier and Zafeera got married in February 2008. We were "ASSISTING" them arranging and preparing their wedding. Cousin were all with him to SUPPORT.

The year begin when a Temp job i got in AFC, but it didnt last for long. Along the way, I was still in search of old friend. I guess I was doing some sole searching as well. Until I receive news from Zaleha in early April 2008, that an old flame that I was asking around for was just been face with a mishap. I cant help but think of him, how are things with him, how is he coping with the lost.. Honestly, I know what am I capable of doing. I know what will happen if I get myself involve with him.. Honestly, I know all along if I get in touch with him, it can lead to something serious..

But I just email and stupidly left my contact number on my signature.. Only realise it after I hit the send button.. Getting a reply from him 2 weeks after that was something I'm so happy about, but I told myself.. its not the right time as yet! He only called after a month, I was delighted actually.. But I am still in the state of denial.. He sounded the same, addresses me the same way like he use to do 15years ago. Cause only he call me Ris.. And we meet for the 1st time after 15years in early June.

I left AFC, they didnt renew my contract. I had to tell someone cause I was really.. He was there for me when I was down. But before that he was trying to 'rule' me. I cant stand it.. told him, I need space and its not time yet for you to tell me what I should do and monitoring my movements. Lucky me, got a new Part Time job at HAS in early July. He was there still, giving me the faith that I will get the job after the interview.

Things were moving on fast, we pick up from where we left.. so we dont really have to start from the top. There were voices who dont agree with the new relationship. I finally told Mak and Ayah, and they 'restu'. Things were slightly tense with my close ones, was not like before. Things happen at the right time and he came at the time when I need company.

August was my 1st birthday celebration with someone Dearest to me.. It was Nadiah's birthday too.. That was when the children gets involved. Things move on slowly with them, my 1st meet up with Nabil when he came to fetch me at Darul Aman.

September, Ramadhan came with so much emotion, we meet up everyday for Terawih. He met with a minor accident on 15Sept, 15Ramadhan. It strengthen things between us. Then the final meet up with the kids were in October during Raya and my 1st meet up with Naqiyah. There were more hang out time with Nadiah. We get very comfortable with each other.

The toughest challenge was the whole month of November, the test was up to the max. It was a test on how much faith, trust and love we had for one another. There we 'uninvited guest' involved. Things get tense with best friend, they were worried and concern with me. I had to make my move.. Making my own decision.

I Finally reveal Yazid to my blog world. At the same time, our common friend got to know about us. We were finally seen together pretty often, friends, colleagues, relatives. He finally Proposed! In which I didnt mention it here.. We went Vivo, passed by CitiGems, he bought me a ring. I'm engaged on 22/11/2008.

Fida got selected for MUIS Medical Haj team and left in Early December. Angah and Cik Ijah left the same day as well. They are all back save yesterday after 1 month there. Fida's 1st birthday away from all of us..

Yazid's 1st birthday with me. We had our activities line up all plan with Nadiah. We spend the whole day together..

Close friends got married this year. There were Rohana M, Foaad, Feisal Dzl. Congrats to them. Best Friend, Nurul gave birth on 29th December too..

My year has been revolved with Yazid and the children. I'm happy and feeling great about it. I know there will be more to come..

Happy New Year again..